Compulsory Pre-nups

I took what I thought would be a rather unpopular and controversial position in a debate on Helium. I find myself at number one in the ratings.

Regardless, I thought I would post it here, and the title is also an active link. What do you think of my idea to lower the divorce rate? Blogger is still taking a long time to type, anyone else having this problem?

The Case for Compulsory Prenuptial Agreements

Yes, it ought to be compulsory for couples to sign a prenuptial agreement before marriage in today's society. A prenuptial agreement is defined as a contract made before two people marry. Generally it is about the division of property should the union end in a divorce. It seems as if these documents are dooming the relationship before it begins. I would propose that a prenuptial agreement be required and filed prior to obtaining a marriage license and the contents of said agreement would have very little to do with finances.

First it should be discussed why is such a measure is necessary. Marriage rates have dropped 50% since 1970, which means that only half of the people who would have married in 1970 actually would go ahead and do it today. Of that 50% who would get married, 38% end up divorcing*. These statistics are pretty grim. Working on the issue of why people would choose to cohabit rather than marry is another topic, but if you would desire marriage, it is only logical that you go into it with the attitude that you will stay with your spouse forever. It is part of the vows, Until death do us part.' If you are willing to head for the altar, a compulsory prenup shouldn't deter anyone.

Second, if a prenuptial agreement were to be mandated, what should it contain since it has been proposed that finances would only be a small part of this document? It should contain agreements between spouses on issues most likely to cause divorce, or stress between spouses. A short list of those issues are religion of the spouses, religion of the future children, position on birth control and openness to life, living will statement, expectations you have of each other about your roles in the marriage, who will pay the bills and how money management will be handled, who will be expected to work and how that expectation may change with children, etc. The prenuptial agreement packet' should contain a questionnaire for each person to answer. The questionnaire should be used to start conversations about important topics. In fact, such a questionnaire is already in use. It is called FOCCUS*. Then a prenup should be a written document based upon the answers given. There should be resource information in the packet about web sites and books to read for further information. The document should be notarized.

Lest you think big brother is getting too involved in this proposal, I would submit to you that the packet and resulting prenup be mandatory, but not micro-managed. Engaged couples should get the packet, and file the form with no interference from the state. No one from the state should review the document and discuss it with the couple. Every couple should want to do it because it will force them to discuss hot issues candidly and could prevent a marriage mistake. But, if the couple chooses to take the easy way out' by just writing anything to turn in, it is an opportunity missed. And there will be no protection, or grounds in the case of a divorce in the future. Having this document on file, would actually assist in proving some grounds for divorce. Those who choose not to take the time to do the work honestly will lose out either way, they will not know how their spouse feels about certain issues, and they will be surprised when irreconcilable differences occur.

Will this eliminate divorces? Of course not. May it possibly decrease the rate of divorce? It could because some couples may discover issues which cannot be resolved and may decide not to marry after all. Will it improve marriage? Certainly, the more you know about your future spouse, and the more you agree upon in advance, the better and stronger your marriage will be. Bring on the compulsory prenuptial agreements, there will likely be less resistance than anticipated.

*http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2005-07-18-c ohabit-divorce_x.htm

*http://www.foccusinc.com/

Back on line

Finally we are up and running, although with the humming noise the machine is emitting I'm just not sure for how long. Blogger is also running rather slow today, so my planned post is taking too long to type. I will have to get it in later. The Thorns are all well and we pray all of you are as well.

Meanwhile, check out Athanasius' blog for a real treat, he has a new member of his family and this time it isn't a cat! Congratulations to Athanasius and Mrs. A on their new addition, a beautiful baby boy!

Wednesday is the day!

Looks like internet will be restored on Wednesday! That is if the ISP is correct, it has been quite some time now since all has been well!

God bless!

internet is down

Hello friends,
My internet is down, so I will not be posting for a while. Looks like our appointment for repair isnt' going to be until the end of this month.
God bless,
Lily

Color Me

This is a link for a new educational resource. They have free online reproducible line drawings of master artist masterpieces, nature, etc. You can then give them to children to color, while learning. Excellent resource! Just thought I'd point it out to you, and it is now in my links.

Exasperation!

Our Lady of Fatima
Filli Bonella
Milan

On one of my favorite blogs there recently appeared an article where the blogger lamented about the way men and women behave towards one another and how men ought to behave like men and not wimps. Athanasius asserts that men who behave inappropriately are suffering from interior disorder. I would have to agree, though I never thought of it quite that way before.

I would lay a lot of the blame at the feet of the women who run around lacking modesty in both dress and behavior. It is scandalous, demoralizing to decent women, and it is having a negative effect in society. I would suggest that men need to remain on their guard against the immorality and immodesty of women because women, who used to safeguard societal morals (modeling the Blessed Mother) have forgotten their roles and abandoned their responsibility to the men around them.

Unfortunately I can think of many examples in my life experience where women behaved abhorrently. Too many examples, and oftentimes the handwriting is on the wall and the results are predictable. There was a happily married man amongst our acquaintances who worked with my husband. He shared a ride to work with a woman who was immodest in both dress and manner of speech. Both were married and it seemed a harmless way to economize. Guess what? Both marriages are over and the two are now cohabiting. It has effected two families and the work environment was scandalized. We all saw it coming. The only one blind-sided was the poor guy who wanted a ride to work, although I am not naive enough to think that he was victimized. I do not intend to give that impression at all. He had a free will and could make his own decisions, he chose wrongly. Perhaps there wouldn’t have been a choice at all if he safeguarded his marriage and stayed away from the shared ride to begin with. Or, perhaps they could have economized if the woman was not immodest.

Men and women are supposed to have an attraction to one another. This is natural and good because it keeps the human race in existence. But we as Catholics, nay as humans, are called to be chaste. Chastity is misunderstood. It is not celibacy, rather sexuality according to your vocation, as God intended for it to be. If you are single, you are celibate. If you are married, you are chaste. You do not try to attract the opposite sex outside of your own spouse. If someone of the opposite sex is trying to attract you, you must avoid them, at all costs, for the sake of your soul. If you find your thoughts wandering outside of your marriage, you end the distraction/temptation. If movies are too sensual, you don’t watch. If magazines are pornographic, you don’t look. If co-workers are too tempting you don’t look, don’t touch, and you definitely don’t spend time alone with them, in say, a car pool. Jane Austen would have called this ‘power’ and it is powerful. If someone has power over you, they’d better be your spouse.

This can be taken one step further. In an earlier post today, He’s Happier than She is, I made reference to Genesis where God gave Adam and Eve their roles in life. Then came the sexual revolution and feminism. Now we have women behaving, dressing, and speaking immodestly IN THE WORKPLACE with men. What on earth are they doing there?

What are women doing in the workplace? I was programmed to want a career first then family later in life. I was part of the 80s ‘me generation’ and we were so self centered. Now, there are women my age (you do the math, I’m not gonna tell you) who want babies and are past their prime. We were sold a bill of goods. We were told we could postpone family in favor of a career, and now doctors are saying, “Oops, we made a mistake. The older you are the lower quality eggs you produce. Sorry.” Isn’t that sad? Women who should have had children, children of God, put it off and missed the chance to bring beautiful souls into the world. Or, God forbid, they aborted. Again I ask, what on earth are women doing in the workplace?

Now, before you roast me on a spit (I’m donning my fireproof skirt) for being unrealistic, consider the fact that society is the way it is today because women got mad and wanted equality. But, at what cost? When we were a one income society, everything was affordable on one income. Now we are a consumer society with ‘needs’ of i-pods, cell phones, game boys, luxury cars, vacations, McMansions (forgot where I nicked that expression from), etc. Men could afford to pay for the mortgage and all the bills, and still be home on the weekends. With two incomes the price of everything went up, and the fancy toys people could afford got fancier and more choices were provided. If women stayed home and everyone was on one income, would there be a shift? It is very likely. Will it ever happen? Not unless something dramatic occurs, like an apocalypse.

Women need to wake up and get their priorities straight. Lives were better, happier, and more fulfilling when we all stayed within the roles God laid out for us. I know it is not popular to say so. But I have a hard time with the idea of going against God’s plans in favor of societal expectations. I’m not sure where, outside of earthy pleasures, there is any benefit to a woman leaving the house and going out to work. Home is supposed to be a haven of happiness. It should be clean and comfortable, warm and inviting. Families are supposed to be able to survive on one income. Men are supposed to be able to focus on their work and come home to their wives. Men are not supposed to have to face temptations, that women flash in front of them, at work. Women in the workplace are temptations to men. Women like attention, men like to give it...oops...propriety is an afterthought.

Women are the heart of the home. Without a woman at home, there is emptiness, coldness, and hunger. Kids are growing up seeing their parents 1-2 waking hours a day. It is NOT as God intended. So, Athanasius was frustrated over men being wimps. I’m exasperated over women acting like teenage boys, all hormones and minimal self control.

As a final example, I offer up my neighbors. The other day I returned from bringing my eldest daughter to a class in a neighboring town. As I approached my house, my heart leaped up into my throat. I saw my eldest daughter running down the street towards me. (Rationality hadn’t yet kicked in, this was all emotional reaction.) I thought to myself, “Oh My God! What is wrong at home that she is running down the street to meet me?” I got closer to her and realized my daughter was 20 miles away, and this is not my her. Relief washed over me as I watched this teenager, and her friend, flagging down truck drivers as they passed by. They were sashaying about pumping their arms in the ‘honk your horn’ fashion, and all the truckers were responding in kind. These girls were flirting and swaying like a couple of bar room hussies. I had to gather up the rest of my crew and head out to a soccer practice. It wasn’t until I was coming home I had the thought that I ought to have dragged those girls home to their parents. I just couldn’t believe how they were behaving. Much to my horror, I’ve since learned that my daughter was identified as the immodest young teen, and I’ve had to correct many misconceptions since then. Fortunately, living in a small town, we were able to do much damage control rather quickly, but what does this little anecdote illustrate better than immodesty reaping multiple consequences. One reason I discovered that my daughter was named in this story is that someone was concerned as they passed by and saw a truck driver stop! Oh my goodness, I wonder if those little girls would have known what to do if they’d been apprehended. They ran off to safety, I was assured. Little maidens are being spoiled very young these days, too young, and my heart weeps for them. Men must be on their guard against this. See the comm box for article Athanasius wrote. There was a list of rules one of his readers lives by to deal with women in the workplace. It is very good advice. Here is an excellent prayer to help you along.

Prayer of St. Thomas Aquinas

Dearest Jesus! I know well that every perfect gift, and above all others that of chastity, depends upon the most powerful assistance of Thy Providence, and that without Thee a creature can do nothing. Therefore, I pray Thee to defend, with Thy grace, chastity and purity in my soul as well as in my body. And if I have ever received through my senses any impression that could stain my chastity and purity, do Thou, Who art the Supreme Lord of all my powers, take it from me, that I may with an immaculate heart advance in Thy love and service, offering myself chaste all the days of my life on the most pure altar of Thy Divinity.
Amen.

He's Happier than She is.

Thank you to AnnaS. over at Domestic Felicity for pointing out this article.

What I wanted to comment on is the excerpt which I highlighted in green, below.

A big reason that women reported being happier three decades ago — despite far more discrimination — is probably that they had narrower ambitions, Ms. Stevenson says. Many compared themselves only to other women, rather than to men as well. This doesn’t mean they were better off back then. But it does show just how incomplete the gender revolution has been. Although women have flooded into the work force, American society hasn’t fully come to grips with the change. The United States still doesn’t have universal preschool, and, in contrast to other industrialized countries, there is no guaranteed paid leave for new parents. Government policy isn’t the only problem, either. Inside of families, men still haven’t figured out how to shoulder their fair share of the household burden. Instead, we’re spending more time on the phone and in front of the television.

First, I take exception to the fact that women should be comparing themselves to men. Men and women have different, complementary roles, given to them by God, as can be read in the Book of Genesis. Girls ought to be girls, comparing themselves to girls and boys should be boys, comparing themselves to boys. Why should a girl want to be like a boy, they aren't boys! If a girl is to take on a more traditionally masculine role (such as the role of provider) it doesn't mean she should be like a man either. Any situation requiring a female to step into the role of a male should be handled as a woman would, she should (in my opinion) never try to be like a man, I find that ridiculous. That doesn't mean women cannot fulfill their roles in the business world as well as a man can, it just means she shouldn't want to behave like a man, dress like a man, talk like a man, etc. We all know women who do just that in the name of 'equality' and 'feminism'.

Second I think the bit about universal preschool is very, very frightening. This is just next door to big brother stepping in. Take Germany, for example. They have mandatory universal preschool, and home schooling is outlawed. Do we really want to go that route? Talk about women being unhappy! How can we, as women, fulfill our roles as wife and mother with big brother breathing down our necks?

Now, I'm not the most patriotic American out there, not that I don't love my country, but there is so much happening here today that goes against the laws of God, or even basic common sense that it is increasingly difficult to support our government. Without getting sidetracked, we are a country based upon freedoms...it seems that some of our more basic freedoms are being taken from parents and government is trying to take over. Immunizations are one area of freedom where parental authority means almost squat. Now, if we allow our legislators to mandate preschool, how long until they mandate state schools? Once that happens we will lose our freedom to home school. What about religious education? If all schools are state mandated what happens to religious education?

Men shouldering the household burden? Hmmm, let me think about that. If women were home, not pressured to work, and men worked outside the home, whatever it takes to keep the family going, then they should NOT have to shoulder the burden because it would be done. Men would enjoy being home, women would enjoy having them there. Guess what? I bet the happiness quotient for both would be higher.

I do understand there are some women who love their jobs. I'm thinking of the women who care for their families and homes and then go out and work part time for a few hours a week, when their husband is home to care for the kids. That is great. They have it all, a rare combination indeed. Most women, I think, may enjoy that little time out. Some may not want to and shouldn't feel like they must.

When the government comes too close to mandating family life we are no longer in a country that pursues happiness. It violates the Declaration of Independence. In trying to please the feminists, we are going to cut off the lifeblood of the nation. We need to keep American women in control of their families, not the state.


Happiness comes from fulfilling our God given roles in life. True happiness resides, in the face of God. The way to see the face of God is through fulfilling your vocation in life. Not career, vocation. Married, single, religious, it doesn't matter. Living your life, fulfilling your divine vocation in it, and through that vocation achieving everlasting life in the presence of God.