Divorce is bad for the environment

Of all the reasons I could think of to remain married, this one would not come up on my top ten! What would be on my top ten list of reasons to stay married? In no particular order:
1. Marriage is a sacrament, divorce is NOT recognized by the Catholic church. To remain within the Church, you must remain married. Marriage is a VOW made before God, and it is not to be taken lightly, it is 'Until death do us part.'
2. Children deserve both parents at home. Children are a natural product of a healthy marriage. When you have a good marriage, with God at the center, you will be open to life and you will probably have children. Divorce is hard on everyone, parents of course, but can be devastating to children.
3. Divorce is emotionally draining.
4. Divorce is financially devastating.
5. Divorce is selfish, marriage is selfless. There are many divorced people in my extended family (currently, more than have remained married, and we are Catholic going back as far as we can trace our geneaology) and with one exception of abuse, most of the reasons are selfish.
Reasons I've been given, not that anyone need explain to me, yet they do, affairs (selfish), want a better provider so I can have better things (selfish), not happy (selfish), didn't love my spouse any more (selfish), cannot imagine staying with my spouse forever (huh? why did you get married? selfish), you get the idea. I don't know anyone who would say marriage is easy, always happy and always rewarding. But, over time, it has its rewards. Worst case, the rewards are not in this life but in the next. In most cases, there are more good times than bad. You just have to weather the storm. Like with any investment, there are 'market swings' and you need to hang tight and have faith. Why is marriage any different? If you say 'I deserve to be happy' I will say you are selfish. We all want to be happy, but happiness is only found through selflessness, not through selfishness.
6. Marriage is hard, but divorce is harder. If your spouse is working long hours and you are alone with the children pulling your hair out, it is still easier than trying to do it all alone. Even if you feel alone, you are never alone if you have faith, faith in yourself, faith in your spouse and, most of all, faith in God. Sometimes just giving your spouse that faith is the only thing required to get through the tough places. Reaching out, giving that leap of faith, may be all they need to 'rise to the occasion' and justify that faith, returning it to you in spades.
7. Divorce causes lonliness. Tearing yourself in half , marriage makes one therefore divorce leaves half, is lonely and painful. Friends of the couple must choose when there is a divorce. It is rare that friends remain friends all the way around.
8. Divorce causes depression. A harder life, loneliness, financial stress, unhappy children, separation from God, depression is only to be expected.
9. Divorce can make you sick. When you are sad, depressed, lonely and stressed, your immune system weakens. This is a most unfortunate occurrence as when you need strength to pick yourself up and move on, you are in your worst state of health.
10. Excepting cases of annullment, you cannot receive the Eucharist. This is really covered by number one, but this point bears repeating and deserves its own enumeration as it is so important. The inability to receive the Eucharist removes an important source of Grace.

There you have it, and nowhere on this list is the fact that divorce is bad for the environment.
Editorial note, be sure to read the post entitled, "Divorce Takes Toll on the Environment, Take Two" which is a follow up to this one.

Compulsory Pre-nups

I took what I thought would be a rather unpopular and controversial position in a debate on Helium. I find myself at number one in the ratings.

Regardless, I thought I would post it here, and the title is also an active link. What do you think of my idea to lower the divorce rate? Blogger is still taking a long time to type, anyone else having this problem?

The Case for Compulsory Prenuptial Agreements

Yes, it ought to be compulsory for couples to sign a prenuptial agreement before marriage in today's society. A prenuptial agreement is defined as a contract made before two people marry. Generally it is about the division of property should the union end in a divorce. It seems as if these documents are dooming the relationship before it begins. I would propose that a prenuptial agreement be required and filed prior to obtaining a marriage license and the contents of said agreement would have very little to do with finances.

First it should be discussed why is such a measure is necessary. Marriage rates have dropped 50% since 1970, which means that only half of the people who would have married in 1970 actually would go ahead and do it today. Of that 50% who would get married, 38% end up divorcing*. These statistics are pretty grim. Working on the issue of why people would choose to cohabit rather than marry is another topic, but if you would desire marriage, it is only logical that you go into it with the attitude that you will stay with your spouse forever. It is part of the vows, Until death do us part.' If you are willing to head for the altar, a compulsory prenup shouldn't deter anyone.

Second, if a prenuptial agreement were to be mandated, what should it contain since it has been proposed that finances would only be a small part of this document? It should contain agreements between spouses on issues most likely to cause divorce, or stress between spouses. A short list of those issues are religion of the spouses, religion of the future children, position on birth control and openness to life, living will statement, expectations you have of each other about your roles in the marriage, who will pay the bills and how money management will be handled, who will be expected to work and how that expectation may change with children, etc. The prenuptial agreement packet' should contain a questionnaire for each person to answer. The questionnaire should be used to start conversations about important topics. In fact, such a questionnaire is already in use. It is called FOCCUS*. Then a prenup should be a written document based upon the answers given. There should be resource information in the packet about web sites and books to read for further information. The document should be notarized.

Lest you think big brother is getting too involved in this proposal, I would submit to you that the packet and resulting prenup be mandatory, but not micro-managed. Engaged couples should get the packet, and file the form with no interference from the state. No one from the state should review the document and discuss it with the couple. Every couple should want to do it because it will force them to discuss hot issues candidly and could prevent a marriage mistake. But, if the couple chooses to take the easy way out' by just writing anything to turn in, it is an opportunity missed. And there will be no protection, or grounds in the case of a divorce in the future. Having this document on file, would actually assist in proving some grounds for divorce. Those who choose not to take the time to do the work honestly will lose out either way, they will not know how their spouse feels about certain issues, and they will be surprised when irreconcilable differences occur.

Will this eliminate divorces? Of course not. May it possibly decrease the rate of divorce? It could because some couples may discover issues which cannot be resolved and may decide not to marry after all. Will it improve marriage? Certainly, the more you know about your future spouse, and the more you agree upon in advance, the better and stronger your marriage will be. Bring on the compulsory prenuptial agreements, there will likely be less resistance than anticipated.

*http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2005-07-18-c ohabit-divorce_x.htm

*http://www.foccusinc.com/

Surprise!

One of the things that I have enjoyed during my experiment of blogging and seeing if I can actually do this 'writing thing' is that my mind has been challenged in some really exciting ways. When I have had 'writer's block' which I really haven't had in the truest sense, I go to Helium and peruse titles. I find myself mulling over some topic that may never have crossed my mind, EVER before. Sometimes I just write about it, totally off the cuff. Other times I think about it for a few hours or days. Occasionally I will research a topic and form an opinion on it. Many of the articles are about things I never really gave too much thought to before trying to write about it. Fun, fun, fun.

Well, surprise, surprise! I found myself writing to a debate question tonight. The topic is "Should it be compulsory for couples to sign a prenuptial agreement before marriage?" Not only will my husband raise an eyebrow over the debate topic, he will also check that he is actually reading my article. He may wonder if he called up the wrong author on this one. I surprised myself with what I wrote, and which side I chose. Click on the red button on the left side to see what I wrote. You may have to scroll to find the button. Let me know what you thought. It is a debate, feedback is fun!

Marriage, an acrostic poem

Matrimony, a sacrament of God's love
Acquiescing to His Holy Will.
Requiring love and commitment
Resplendent with consanguineous joy
In sickness and in health
Agape, and leading your spouse to
God. You exist to inspire achievement of
Everlasting happiness in heaven.