Monday, December 3, 2007

Divorce is bad for the environment

Of all the reasons I could think of to remain married, this one would not come up on my top ten! What would be on my top ten list of reasons to stay married? In no particular order:
1. Marriage is a sacrament, divorce is NOT recognized by the Catholic church. To remain within the Church, you must remain married. Marriage is a VOW made before God, and it is not to be taken lightly, it is 'Until death do us part.'
2. Children deserve both parents at home. Children are a natural product of a healthy marriage. When you have a good marriage, with God at the center, you will be open to life and you will probably have children. Divorce is hard on everyone, parents of course, but can be devastating to children.
3. Divorce is emotionally draining.
4. Divorce is financially devastating.
5. Divorce is selfish, marriage is selfless. There are many divorced people in my extended family (currently, more than have remained married, and we are Catholic going back as far as we can trace our geneaology) and with one exception of abuse, most of the reasons are selfish.
Reasons I've been given, not that anyone need explain to me, yet they do, affairs (selfish), want a better provider so I can have better things (selfish), not happy (selfish), didn't love my spouse any more (selfish), cannot imagine staying with my spouse forever (huh? why did you get married? selfish), you get the idea. I don't know anyone who would say marriage is easy, always happy and always rewarding. But, over time, it has its rewards. Worst case, the rewards are not in this life but in the next. In most cases, there are more good times than bad. You just have to weather the storm. Like with any investment, there are 'market swings' and you need to hang tight and have faith. Why is marriage any different? If you say 'I deserve to be happy' I will say you are selfish. We all want to be happy, but happiness is only found through selflessness, not through selfishness.
6. Marriage is hard, but divorce is harder. If your spouse is working long hours and you are alone with the children pulling your hair out, it is still easier than trying to do it all alone. Even if you feel alone, you are never alone if you have faith, faith in yourself, faith in your spouse and, most of all, faith in God. Sometimes just giving your spouse that faith is the only thing required to get through the tough places. Reaching out, giving that leap of faith, may be all they need to 'rise to the occasion' and justify that faith, returning it to you in spades.
7. Divorce causes lonliness. Tearing yourself in half , marriage makes one therefore divorce leaves half, is lonely and painful. Friends of the couple must choose when there is a divorce. It is rare that friends remain friends all the way around.
8. Divorce causes depression. A harder life, loneliness, financial stress, unhappy children, separation from God, depression is only to be expected.
9. Divorce can make you sick. When you are sad, depressed, lonely and stressed, your immune system weakens. This is a most unfortunate occurrence as when you need strength to pick yourself up and move on, you are in your worst state of health.
10. Excepting cases of annullment, you cannot receive the Eucharist. This is really covered by number one, but this point bears repeating and deserves its own enumeration as it is so important. The inability to receive the Eucharist removes an important source of Grace.

There you have it, and nowhere on this list is the fact that divorce is bad for the environment.
Editorial note, be sure to read the post entitled, "Divorce Takes Toll on the Environment, Take Two" which is a follow up to this one.


Heather said...

While I'm all for helping keep the environment intact, I like your reasons far better, Lily ;-) Great post!

Lily said...

Yes, I believe we are called to be stewards of the earth, and I am pretty eco-friendly on the whole. I actually do not have a problem with saying that divorce is bad for the environment, but I do have a problem with this being a primary reason for divorce being a bad thing. It is (obviously) low on my list of reasons that divorce is bad.

Thanks for coming by, and I loved your post on literary graves!

deb said...

I have to admit I like your reasons best.

Alexandra said...

I wonder if too many people rush into marriage because they want the "experience" knowing that they can always divorce if they don't like it. Remove the stigma of divorce, lessen the importance of the family, and it's no longer taken seriously.

Lily said...

I am sure that happens, Alexandra. At least once in my extended family there was a girl who knew cohabiting would result in total estrangement from her father. She married, her father threw her an enormous wedding. We were invited and my parents hadn't seen her parents since before the bride was even born, that is how big this wedding was. We all traveled to attend because my mother wanted us (we were teenagers) to know this part of her family. They were divorced before their first anniversary. It boiled down to a 'failed trial' as her mother explained it. It appeared that the bride and groom didn't look on the 'experience' as a marriage at all. Sad when even Catholics behave this way.

MarkyMark said...


Though I am in agreement with you, and I think that divorce is wrong, I must ask a pointed question: if it's so bad, then why do women file for divorce 70% of the time? Must not be that bad for them then...


Lily said...

Marky Mark,
Well since you asked, this is just my opinion on it the topic...Women are no longer selfless, but very, very selfish. Women are programmed (for decades now) to think that they should have their cake and eat it too, meaning they should be able to be moms and career geniuses. It doesn't usually work, and when it doesn't they are stumped. They look for a reason why, and they blame the man. After all much of the feminist teaching is that men are to be abhorred for being strong, protectors, breadwinners, etc. Also, people feel entitled to happiness. Nowhere in the marriage vows does it say happiness is guaranteed. In fact, the bad is presented right alongside the good. It goes right back to selfishness. Instead of working things out, women just give up. They'd rather be happy. All the divorced women in my family tell me the same thing...they were unhappy and thought it was time to do something about that, time to do something for THEMSELVES and time to make themselves happy. IN MY OPINION that is a load of selfish bulldinky. The only way to true happiness is through losing oneself, which is why happiness is so elusive. You must lose yourself to God, to family, in service to others, in prayer, etc. Through these sacrifices we find joy. Until these selfish women realize this they are always going to seek the gold at the end of the rainbow, and as we know they will never find it. Again, just my opinion. What feminism has done to our society is the work of the devil. I do think that divorce is bad for women, and they only realize it when it is too late.