Last night, I was telling my husband about my the post I wrote yesterday on this topic. Knowing my husband as I do, it was evident that he thought I was kidding when I said I posted about divorce being bad for the environment. Today, after running an errand, my husband came home with our local paper, featuring a front page article about divorce and the environment. Not to get on another rant, but our local paper ended the story with this little pearl:
"The best advice to those who are miserable together is not, however, to avoid divorce for the sake of the environment, but to find someone else as quickly as possible."
This seems to be advising people to jump from the frying pan into the fire! I cannot endorse encouraging divorce on any level, and I cannot understand telling people to rush into another relationship for the sake of the environment.
Divorce is one of those issues I cannot comprehend.
Editorial note: Be sure to read the post, "Divorce is Bad for the Environment" which is the post referred to in the first line.
4 comments:
Our media tells everyone simply follow thier hearts and do what makes them happy. Its no wonder that they don't advise anyone to stay together for what they consider a noble cause.
Lily,
Obviously, I have a unique perspective on divorce and can speak first hand of its impact, as I am a family law attorney. I do not encourage divorce - indeed, I am never more pleased, as are many of my colleagues, when parties decide to reconcile and end the proceedings.
But in a "no fault" state, if someone wants a divorce, then the other spouse has no choice. This is where I hope to bring a sense of reason and equity in my role as a lawyer. I will say, it is "cringe inducing" whenever a new face appears on the scene in the midst of the proceedings, that is, a new girlfriend or boyfriend. I tell my clients to take care of the business at hand before - as you rightly describe it - jumping from the pan into the fire! There is a reason why second marriages have a HIGHER rate of divorce than first ones.
Bottom line, no party is EVER at fault 100% in a divorce - there is something "lacking" in both spouses such that the marriage did not work. I encourage people who are thinking about a divorce to seek counseling, even if your spouse will not go - just by YOU going, you may learn something about yourself that does not please you, but might be enlightening to the point where a change of attitude or behavior saves your marriage, even if it's the next one.
See, we need more good Catholics as attorneys! You speak sense. Encouraging counseling to help pick up the pieces or to find out what you need to know is a good thing. I agree, no party is ever 100% at fault, marriage is a partnership and both people contribute to its success or demise.
I am blessed because my husband and I came from families that were intact. Until death do us part. We have no first hand experience with divorce, which is why I cannot comprehend it. We've been married almost 20 years ourselves.
Every time I hear of a divorce, either people I know or people I don't, it saddens me. Especially when children are involved. I wish all marriages were happy, and I know that is naive. There are times when divorce is necessary, but I think too many give up too soon today.
I know a Catholic family where the divorce was warranted. It wasn't a case of physical abuse, and I do not know the details, but an annulment was granted. This mother still goes to the household of her former husband, who houses the children, and she cooks, cleans, does the laundry, home schools, etc. for her family (including the ex) and goes home at night to a separate residence. I find that to be as close to a selfless divorce as I can imagine. A rare thing indeed.
Digi,
I wanted to add, thanks for stopping by. I really enjoy your blog, it always makes me smile.
~Lily
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