Well, it isn't summer but today is a real dog! The Thorns household is the proud owner of two dogs. I am a cat person myself (we also have two of them) but my children always wanted dogs. I held out for years and years against it, exultantly exclaiming my running list of "Reasons to Never Own a Dog" anytime any of the Thorns children dared to broach the subject with me. Off the top of my head, far from complete, and in no particular order, here is a sampling of my list:
1. Dogs are gross because they....fill in the blank with your choice of... smell like dogs, have bad breath, lick themselves, sniff people and each other, they eat things that shouldn't be eaten, etc.
2. Dogs jump on people
3. Dogs cost money, a lot of money.
4. Dogs want to be near you all the time.
5. Dogs chew things like furniture.
6. Dogs scratch things like doors, door frames, siding of the house, etc.
7. Dogs jump through windows, breaking screens or glass.
8. Dogs dig holes for you to turn your ankle in.
9. Dogs leave presents for you to step in.
10. Dogs like to lick people...ewww
11. Dogs drool.
12. Dogs pant.
13. Dogs bark.
14. Dogs catch big things to leave on your doorstep after torturing them to death, and ripping limbs off...things like ground hogs and porcupines as opposed to cats who only leave itty bitty mice remains.
15. Dogs get separation anxiety.
16. Dogs bite.
I could keep going but you get the idea, I'm not a dog person. Honestly I'm less of a cat person than I ever was these days as well, I think a large brood of kids is enough animal behavior to have to manage for the time being.
Last night, in addition to the aforementioned list, one of my dogs decided to growl in the dead of night. Being an excessively stupid pooch who is very mild mannered, when he decides to growl he means it. Also being an excessively large pooch, he is to be taken seriously when he growls. Mr. Thorns is away on business so I was alone in the house. Being an insomniac, this is a recipe for disaster.
I heard the dog and came down stairs in the dead of night, alone, wondering what the dog would have cornered, INSIDE the house. I keep the dogs closed out of the living room because they would like to sleep on the furniture, and smelly beasts do not belong on the furniture, I was faced with opening a closed door to a huge, growling beast. To borrow a phrase from the teens in my house, "I was totally creeped out" at the thought of it, however I carried on. Despite my entering the dark room, the dog continued to growl. Then I worried was he now growling at me? I called him over and calmed him, then sent him off to lie down again. As soon as he was away from my side he resumed growling. I then put every light on and looked around. Thankfully there were no strangers in the house. Then I put on all the outside lights and peered out praying no one was peering back. Thankfully no one was out there either, at least no one I saw.
I sat up for over an hour with a growling dog, having no idea why he was growling, being terrified of actually finding out what was bothering him. Broken sleep in an insomniac who is home alone and spent an hour of terror in the dead of night yields a nearly sleepless night. I went to bed but couldn't sleep. I think I finally drifted off around 5ish, with my light and my glasses on, just in case someone came to 'murder us in our beds' at least I'd see them coming.
I awoke to one of my children announcing it was ten minutes past eight...oh no! I have one child in school because the first grade teacher is fantastic. Being a homeschooler I never thought I would utilise the school district, but there you have it. Said child ought to have been on the bus twenty minutes ago. Mr. Thorns is away, I have no car at the moment...the child missed school all because of the dumb mutt. To add insult to injury when I finally got around to calling the school at 9:10am, they inform me that the bus could come and get a child who misses their ride and can get to school no other way. I asked, "Isn't it too late?" The secretary informed me she would check and let me know. We rush around to get ready only to be told that it is in fact too late. If only I had known...did you know the school district would pick up a child who slept through the designated bus time? I didn't! My little tot could have made it to school after all!
*Note to self* Another item for the "Reasons To Never Own a Dog" list...dogs keep you up needlessly at night growling at figments of their imaginations. Oh, and they never do it when there is a big, strong man in the house to protect you. They only choose to indulge in this behavior when you are alone and able to be terrified out of a night's sleep and miss all the following day's appointments due to irritability and grogginess.